Donkey Kong: The Novel | Chapter 2

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Chapter 2: Jumpman’s Dream Scenario

Jumpman looks longingly into Pauline’s eyes, in the same way that a newborn husband might stare at his newly created wife on the day of their marriage. They are sitting in the poshest burger restaurant in all of Brooklyn and making sweet, natural small talk that with every word spoken makes both parties fall deeper and wider in love with one another.

 

Jumpman pays Pauline a stunning compliment that instantly causes her face cheeks to turn a hue of rose red. In return, she blows him a kiss across the table that lands on his left cheek and causes his moustache hairs to tingle with delight. I have-a surprise-a for you-a, says Jumpman. Well, don’t keep me in suspense, says Pauline, what is it? Close-a your pretty eyes-a, says Jumpman. And with that, Pauline closes her pretty eyes. Jumpman then counts to ten: 1-a, 2-a, 3-a, 4-a, 5-a, 6-a, 7-a, 8-a, 9-a, 10-a. And upon saying 10-a, Jumpman pulls out a wrapped box and politely orders Pauline to open her eyes.

 

Oh Jumpman, says Pauline, is this what I think it is. Well, open it up and find-a out-a, Jumpman replies. Pauline excitedly tears off the paper and her eyes light up upon sighting what’s inside. Oh my, says Pauline excitedly, it’s beautiful, thank you. Pauline pulls out a stunning wooden jewellery box that has been decorated with hand chiselled flowers and love hearts. A heart shaped shape appears above her head to signal that she’s in love. The couple couldn’t be happier at that exact moment in time.

 

There’s a loud knocking sound and Jumpman is soon brought out of his happy dream. Upon opening his eyes and slowly regaining consciousness, the loud knocking sound occurs again. Jumpman, realising that the noise is emanating from his front door, puts on his shoes and dressing gown and makes his way down the stairs. He opens his front door and is greeting by a beaming Donkey Kong who is dressed in fishing attire and holding a fishing rod.

 

Hey buddy, says Donkey Kong, I wanted to surprise you. I booked us a week at Fishing Friends Fall for some non-stop fishing, drinking, eating and friendship. And before you say anything, don’t worry – I went to the trouble of ringing up every one of your current customers, with the exception of that girl that popped by last week and asked you to make a jewellery box for her mum because I couldn’t find her listed in the telephone book, and have explained the situation. They’re all happy for you to take the week off work for some much deserved rest and relaxation.

 

DK, I’m touched you went to all this trouble, says Jumpman, but I can’t-a go, Pauline needs her box-a this week-a and I really want to do a good job-a. How about we go next month eh? My treat-a. I’ll get us a cabin with a hot tub so we can eat Bolognese and relax, what do you say?

 

Sure, OK, maybe, says Donkey Kong. I gotta go to work now, so I’ll catch you later. And with that a sad, despondent Donkey Kong walks away holding back tears and anger that his friend has once again let him down. As he turns the corner and walks down the street, he spots Pauline striding prettily towards him in the opposite direction. So, thinks Donkey Kong, if Jumpman wants this girl so bad, he’s going to have to come and rescue her. And with that he pulls some cable ties from out of his pocket and puts on a balaclava.

 

To be continued…

 

 

Donkey Kong: The Novel | Chapter 1

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Chapter 1: A Friendship for Granted

It’s a Friday afternoon and the famous moustachioed Italian carpenter Javier Umpman, or Jumpman as he likes to be known, is putting the finishing touches to a lovely oak television cabinet for his most important client – the President of the United States, Mr. Nigel Nixon. Jumpman is mere seconds away from attaching a beautiful door for concealing a VHS player or an Atari 2600, when there is a knock at the door. Mama Mia, what-a time for the door to knock, says Jumpman, before leaving his workshop and venturing downstairs to see who it is.

 

Jumpman opens the front door and is greeted by the beaming smile of his best pal and next door neighbour Donkey Kong – a gigantic ape whom Jumpman has been best friends with for many years. How the two of them met and became friends is not important, nor is it that interesting or particularly integral to this tale.

 

I’ve got us courtside tickets to tonight’s basketball game, says an excited Donkey Kong. I know you really wanted to go, so I traded them with a colleague at work in return for working every weekend for next seven months. Wow, that’s-a really nice of you DK, says Jumpman, but I’m afraid I can’t go-a. I’ve really gotta finish this television cabinet for the President. Perhaps we can go another time-a? And with that, a heartbroken DK walks away, dragging his knuckles on the pavement with tears in his eyes and a pain in his heart. Jumpman closes his front door and, feeling a small pang of guilt, says: I hope DK wasn’t too upset-a; I’ll make it up to him by buying him a tub of his favourite hair wax-a.

 

A few days later and there’s another knock at Jumpman’s door. Jumpman opens it and this time he is greeted by the prettiest smile he has ever seen. Hello, my name is Pauline, says the mouth belonging to the smile. I hear you are the finest carpenter in all of Brooklyn. I’m looking for someone to make me a wooden jewellery box as a gift for my mother. Jumpman is immediately lovestruck and struggles to speak. Yes, that’s-a me, I’ll be happy to help-a, he answers, just give me one week and I’ll have it ready for you-a. Oh thank you, replies Pauline, and she gives him a kiss on his cheek. Mama Mia, says Jumpman, I’m on cloud-a nine-a.

 

Donkey Kong, spying through his net curtains, can see Pauline leaving Jumpman’s house. I wonder who that is, he questions. It doesn’t matter, I’m so excited, I can’t wait to tell Jumpman about the fishing trip I’ve booked for us next week. Finally, some alone time with my best pal and our awesome friendship.

 

To be continued…

Streets of Rage: The Novel | Chapter 12

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Chapter 12: End Credits

Mr. X points his Tommy Gun at Blaze and pulls his index finger back against the trigger. A swarm of angry bullets leave the nozzle in the same way that a swarm of angry wasps might flee the end of a short grey metal hosepipe. Blaze rolls out of the way and marginally avoids getting hit by the metaphorical wasps. She takes cover behind a bronzed statue of an 100% naked Mr. X wearing only a smile wrapped around a cigar, and a Stetson. It’s a strange statue, but one that Mr. X commissioned a leading sculpture master to make for one million US dollars. It’s his pride and joy and he doesn’t want to ruin its perfectness with bullet holes. Shit, says Mr. X, get out from behind there Blaze. If we have to do this Mano a Womano then so be it. He unloads his gun in the non trying to kill way, and the bullets fall to the floor. Mr. X then tosses the empty weapon to Blaze. Blaze sees the gun slide beside her and steps out from behind the right thigh of Mr. X — the statue version.

 

Meanwhile, Adam is now back on his feet and is trying his best to block a barrage of punch and kick attacks from Skate. Skate, why are you doing this, you’re going to kill me, Adam pleads. However, his words just bounce off Skate’s ears and fall to the ground like emotional litter. Skate then pulls out a knife and begins slashing it at Adam. As Skate lunges forward with the sharp blade, Adam grabs his arm, swings him around 180 degrees and puts him in a sleeper hold, applying pressure to Skate’s head in a bid to make him loose consciousness. I’m sorry son, Adam cries, but you’re leaving me no choice. Adam, seeing that Shiva is walking towards him having defeated Axel, knows he has to act fast. He applies even more pressure to Skate’s head and tears fill his eyes. Skate’s body eventually drops to the floor.

 

Axel starts to regain consciousness. Every inch of his body aches. He has no energy, no fight left, but he does have an apple. He pulls the juicy red fruity globe from his pocket and bites into it. With each mushy bite he takes he feels slightly more energised. He finally gets to his feet and can see that both of his friends are in trouble: Adam is struggling to fend off Shiva; Blaze is getting tossed around like a very attractive rag doll by Mr. X. Axel wishes he could clone himself and come to the aid of both Blaze and Adam, or alternatively split himself in half and have 50% of himself fight Shiva and the remaining 50% of himself fight Mr. X. Axel knows this is not possible and thus realises that he has a very important decision to make: save his best friend or save the woman he loves.

 

Mr. X lifts Blaze up by her throat. She can feel her life slipping away. Join me or die, says Mr. X, I can make the hurting stop. The only thing that will stop the pain that I feel is killing you, Blaze answers, but in a way that someone finding it hard to breath might say those words. Very well, he smiles, and with his free hand pulls from his pocket a device with a big red button on it. Before I kill you, I’m going to burn this city you love so much to the ground, says Mr. X. He then presses the button and the mansion begins to shake as its roof splits in half. From between the separating roof sections, the tip of a nuclear warhead emerges.

 

Blaze, it’s been fun but I’ve got a helicopter to catch, says Mr. X, before applying a considerable amount of pressure on Blaze’s throat. Blaze starts to black out, but before she does she feels the pressure on her throat ease. She opens her eyes and can see Axel pulling Mr. X off of her. Blaze, shouts Axel, you need to finish this now, I can’t hold him for much longer. As Blaze runs towards Mr. X ready to strike, she is stopped in her tracks by a line of bullets hitting the ground just in front of her feet, fired from an Apache helicopter circling in the sky. This gunfire and the impressiveness he feels upon seeing the Apache, causes Axel to loosen his grip on Mr. X. Mr. X breaks free and elbows Axel in the face, causing him to fall to the ground. Looks like my ride has arrived, smiles Mr. X.

 

Hearing this, Axel quickly scuttles across the floor and grabs Mr. X’s legs, holding them as tight as he can so he can’t escape. Mr. X then begins punching down on Axel’s face repeatedly, but a determined Axel refuses to let go. Blaze makes another run at Mr. X and this time succeeds in landing a powerful blow to his face, snapping his head backwards. Blaze then grabs Mr. X’s head with both hands and forces it down onto her knee. Mr. X, now dazed, takes a wild swing at Blaze but she catches his fist in her hand and with the other hand slaps a set of handcuffs over his wrists. It’s over, she says triumphantly.

 

However, the celebrations are cut short by a deafening rumble as the nuclear warhead finally ascends towards the sky. What are we gonna do, asks Axel, we need to stop that thing before it destroys the entire city. With that, Blaze pulls out a mobile telephone from her pocket, hits redial and patiently waits for the phone to be answered. After a few seconds of waiting, a few seconds that feel like an eternity in Blaze and Axel’s heads, the phone is answered.

 

We cut to a man ending a mobile phone call. He steps out of a police car and fires a bazooka at the nuclear warhead, causing it to explode in the sky. He then gets back into his car, kisses his trusty weapon and finishes a delicious burger he was in the middle of eating.

 

As missile fragments fall from the sky like dangerous wedding confetti, Blaze and Axel realise that Adam is missing, and that Shiva, Mr. X and the helicopter are also nowhere to be seen. A confused and teary looking Skate walks wearily towards Axel and Blaze holding his head. I’m searching for my father, he says, can you help me find him.

 

The End

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Streets of Rage: The Novel

 

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To be continued in…

 

Street of Rage 2: The Novel

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Streets of Rage: The Novel | Chapter 11

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Chapter 11: Facing Demons

The three heroes stand in a line facing the three villains who are also stood in a line. These two diametric lines are about to represent the ancient, long-running battles between good versus evil and cops versus robbers. 

 

Skate is that you, asks Adam, but Skate doesn’t answer, he just stares forward in silence. I believe you two have already met, says Mr. X signalling to Adam and Skate. Axel, who has a fantastic detective mind which some have likened to that of the late, great Sherlock Holmes, connects the dots instantly and realises that Skate is Adam’s son. You bastard, shouts Axel to Mr. X, what have you done to him. He’s like a battery-less android incapable of showing human emotions such as love, daringness and tepid jealously. All I did was just finish what his father started when he walked out on his mother when he was just a boy, laughs Mr. X.

 

Hearing this cuts Adam deep, it makes his heart want to shatter and causes his fists to screw themselves up into tiny fleshy balls of anger-fuelled weapons. That’s a lie, he screams at Mr. X, whilst running towards him with those newly formed flesh weapons and a face that looks like a crumpled up piece of paper. Adam swings for Mr. X but is stopped in his tracks by a pain in his stomach. He looks down and sees that the root cause of this pain is a knife that Skate has stuck in his belly. Adam falls to the floor.

 

Blaze runs towards Mr. X, but Shiva blocks her path. Shiva cracks his fingers, stretches his arms, shakes his legs, and flips his head from side to side like a human faced pendulum swinging inside a grandfather clock. Just then, a hand grabs Blaze’s shoulder. It belongs to Axel. Leave him to me, says Axel to Blaze, I know you have an old score to settle with Mr. X. Thanks Axel, says Blaze, and she kisses him romantically on the lips. Thankfully, Adam, who harbours strong feelings for Blaze, is too preoccupied with trying not to die to see this moment of intense sexual intimacy between the two friends.

 

Shiva swings his right leg at Axel. It connects with the top of Axel’s right arm muscle and the force of the impact pushes him backwards. Axel shakes off the pain and runs towards Shiva and upon arriving at his destination throws a flurry of quick punches in the direction of Shiva’s face. Shiva quickly moves his head in different directions like he’s in the 1999 film The Matrix to avoid the blows. Shiva then forces the palm of his hand into Axel’s midriff, causing him to drop to his knees. Axel collapses on the floor with unconsciousness.

 

Blaze finally confronts Mr. X. So we finally meet, says Mr. X. Look, I’ve no time for niceties, she answers, I’m arresting you on suspicion of being a crime lord and a murderer. You don’t have to say anything, but anything you do say… Mr. X interrupts her by asking: how’s your parents Blaze. Blaze grits her teeth, and continues reading him his Miranda rights: …will be taken down in evidence. Mr. X interrupts her again: they were good people and better cops; that was their problem and their downfall. I’ll make it up to you though, says Mr. X whilst pulling out a gun, my friend here is itching to take you to them.

 

To be continued…

Streets of Rage: The Novel | Chapter 10

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Chapter 10: Lift of Rage

Axel, Blaze and Adam stand in front of the front door of Mr. X’s lavish multi-million dollar mansion that professional drug dealing and crime helped to build. Axel presses its ornate looking doorbell using his fist instead of his index finger. A few seconds after the doorbell rings the door opens completely of it’s own volition, as if opened by a ghost butler. I think he’s expecting us, says Adam. The trio cross the threshold and a voice can be heard over a state of the art tannoy system. The voice belongs to Mr. X and says: Greetings, I’ve been expecting you. If you want to arrest me, you have to reach me first. You will need to take the open top and open sided lift located at the end of this corridor to the top floor. Hahahahahahahahaha! Beep.

 

Look, I think that’s the lift over there, says Adam, whilst pointing to a lift. What are we waiting for then, let’s rise up and defeat crime and unjust, says Blaze. The three friends enter the lift and Axel punches the button to take them to the top floor. Roughly 12 seconds into their edifice ascension, a group of Signals fall into the lift. Axel is quick to react to the sudden lift invasion and flying kicks one of the Signals in the head, sending him flying off the non-walled lift and to his death as a result of high falling onto a hard ground. Blaze grabs another Signal and backward flips him to his death. Adam then grabs the final Signal, draws his handsome head back and smashes his forehead into the Signal’s pierced nose. Dazed, bloodied and confused by what has happened, the disorientated Signal walks into an uppercut Axel was performing at the time and dies shortly after.

 

Where’d those guys come from, Adam asks in the style of a question. I don’t know, they just came out of nowhere, says Blaze in the manner of an answer. Then, just at that moment, a group of Garcias fly into the lift from areas where normally walls would be. Damn, says Axel, looks like we’ve got more company. It must be a popular lift, quips Adam. However, there’s no time for the three of them to laugh as the Garcias quickly ready themselves to fight. 

 

Adam takes on one of the Garcias and the two of them exchange blows. Blaze grabs another Garcia and roundhouse kicks him off of the rising lift platform. Meanwhile, Axel tampers with the gears of the lift. I got a feeling it’s going to get real cramped in here soon, but I’ve got a plan, Axel says. Great, because we got more company, shouts Adam, as more Signals and Garcias fall into the lift.

 

The lift is now packed with alive bodies and Axel, Adam and Blaze are vastly outnumbered. The three heroes battle on bravely but are pummelled by fist and feet. I’m not sure how long we can keep going like this, how long until we get to the top floor, shouts Blaze. Axel looks at the numbers on the lift panel and says, we’re almost there. He then adds: as soon as the door opens, jump out as quickly as you can, I’m sending this lift straight to hell. Just then, a Garcia charges towards Axel. Axel responds by parrying the attack and sending his bad-tattoo riddled arm into the winding gears of the lift, turning the pinky and inky appendage into a bloody mess.

 

The group fight on bravely for another minute or so and then the violence is interrupted by a loud pinging noise as the doors of the lift open. Right, jump out now, orders Axel. Blaze and Adam jump out of the lift as Axel flying kicks the wire of the pulley system that connects the lift to the ceiling. The wire breaks and Axel jumps out of the lift just before it falls to the ground and kills everyone inside. As a tired and bloodied Axel pulls himself up onto the top floor using the last ounce of strength he has, he sees three dark shapes standing in front of Adam and Blaze. The shapes belong to Mr. X, Shiva and a young boy. The boy turns to Adam and with a tragic smile says: hello dad.

 

To be continued…

Streets of Rage: The Novel | Chapter 9

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Chapter 9: Adam’s Secret

A Signal is stood on the beach eating an ice cream. The upper echelon of the ice cream is smothered in crushed nuts and red sauce. The Signal closes his eyes and is about to take his first lick of his recently purchased cold treat when Axel’s fist punches through the creamy tipped upside down wafer triangle and hits the Signal’s fully outstretched red tongue, causing it to explode inside his mouth. The Signal falls to the ground and later dies due to extreme throat bleeding.

 

Right, says Axel to Blaze and also to Adam, we’re almost there. Just past this beach is Mr. X’s mansion. Inside is Mr. X, and he is probably waiting for us with an army of gang members. Guys, says Adam, I’ve never told this to anyone before but I have a son who I lost contact with due to his mother finding love with another man whose listening skills were better than mine. My son’s name is Skate, and if I get out of this mission alive I plan to find him and be the best father I can be by training him in the arts of martial arts to the best of my abilities. Will you guys help me to track him down? Of course, Axel and Blaze say at the exact same time.

 

Guys, it looks like we’ve got company, says Blaze. In front of our three heroes stand a gang of Signals, a lady named Elektra armed with an electricity charged whip, and the wrestler Abadede from the previous chapter. The Signals are carrying lead pipes, knives and samurai swords. Guys, we need some weapons to even the odds a little, says Adam. You’re right, says Axel, lets smash those crates over there (there are some crates nearby, roughly 30 yards) and hope they contain some useful items. Blaze, Adam and Axel run towards the crates and smash the wooden cubes of secrets. Luckily, the crates reveal a sword, a baseball bat and an apple. Awesome, says Adam with jubilation in his voice. Axel tosses the weapons to Adam and Blaze and sticks the apple into a pocket of his jeans. The three cops run towards the gang members and the battle commences.

 

Adam swings the baseball bat that was tossed to him by Axel and with it strikes the legs of two Signals, causing them fly into the air like bowling pins struck by a speeding bowling ball. Axel then jumps into the air and flying kicks these same Signals into the sea where they are eaten by a shark. Another Signal throws a knife at Axel, but Axel manages to catch it in his hand. Axel then throws it straight back at the Signal and it sticks in his head. Three more Signals run towards Axel and Adam. Axel grabs one Signal and turns him around 180 degrees to face Adam’s incoming fist. After the impact, Axel throws the unconscious Signal at the other two Signals and they all explode.

 

Meanwhile, Blaze is fighting Elektra. Elektra whips her whip at Blaze and the sparking tip hits Blaze’s sword, knocking it out of her hand. Elektra raises her whip for a second attack but this time Blaze successfully rolls out of the way. Blaze manages to get close enough to Elektra to perform a spinning flip kick to her chin that knocks the whip from out of her hand and sends Elektra flying backwards into a dustbin, revealing a pepper shaker.

 

A few feet away, Axel and Adam have teamed up against Abadede. The hulking wrestler is incredibly powerful and both men are struggling to end the fight. Abadede picks up Adam as if he was made of baby feathers and throws him towards Axel. Both men hit the ground and Abadede roars with delight. How we gonna beat him, he’s too strong, asks Adam of Axel. The way we always beat crime, by working as a team, replies Axel.

 

Axel, catch, says Blaze, as she throws him the pepper shaker. Axel catches it with one hand and then gets to his feet. Let’s finish this, he shouts. Adam picks up his baseball bat and Blaze grabs the now deceased Elektra’s whip. All three run towards Abadede. Axel throws the pepper shaker at Adam and he strikes it with the baseball bat. The seasoned grenade flies high into the air and hits Abadede’s left bicep and upon contact explodes, covering Abadede in a cloud of grey pepper. With Abadede left coughing and his eyes watering, Blaze sees her chance. She wraps the whip around Abadede’s neck and yanks it as hard as she can, sending him dancing like a spinning top into the path of an oncoming beach buggy, which he then hits and dies. The three heroes get to their feet and smile at one another. It’s almost over, says Axel.

 

Meanwhile at Mr. X’s HQ, Shiva runs towards Mr. X office, opens the door and says: they’ve defeated Abadede. Mr. X laughs, then replies: launch the nuclear warhead and awaken Skate from the laboratory. Let’s see if Adam wants to arrest me bad enough to fight his own son.

 

To be continued…

Streets of Rage: The Novel | Chapter 8

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Chapter 8: Bad News Bears

Mr. X is in his office sat behind his desk watching images of war on television. This is Mr. X’s most favourite thing to watch when there is no illegal boxing, MMA or something showing extreme images of violence or gore. His favourite ever movie is the film Rocky 2, although in an alternate SOR timeline he would later watch the film Warrior starring Tom Hardy and Joel Edgerton and his mind would be blown. He would then have a mental gun battle with himself about what his new favourite movie is, but in the end he would stick with his original decision of Rocky 2 and Warrior would be the extremely close runner up. However, a small piece of him would always resent Rocky 2 for not being perfect enough to prevent making him choose.

 

Mr. X turns the channel over to watch the evening news. An excited news anchor is reporting from the street where Axel, Adam and Blaze earlier fought the Garcias, the Signals and then killed Boomer by allowing his own boomerang to effectively turn against him. The anchor has managed to persuade one of the bruised and bloodied Garcias to speak to him live on air. During the interview, the nervous Garcia explains that his gang were defeated by some of the most impressive martial artistry he has ever witnessed. He then goes on to say that it was performed by three courageous heroes demonstrating incredible agility, strength, charisma and friendship. He closes the interview by saying that although they put many of his friends inside hospitals and morgues, a part of him still respects them and wishes them luck on their journey.

 

Furious, Mr. X punches the television instead of turning it off. The screen smashes and the glass cuts his fists. He saviours the pain, enjoys it and for an enjoyment desert licks the fresh blood from his knuckles. He then picks up his table top telephone and says the following into the receiver after dialling an internal number: Shiva, come to my office now, there is something we need to discuss. Mr. X then crushes the receiver in his hand. Dust particles fall from his hand onto the desk and Mr. X snorts them up his nose like powdered drugs and the veins in his eyeballs grow and pulsate.

 

A few minutes later, Shiva silently backflips into Mr. X’s office through a window. He walks towards Mr. X and asks: you wanted to see me. Mr. X then informs Shiva that Axel and his gang have defeated Boomer and they should be at the beachfront within the hour. He ends the conversation by saying: enough games, we need an Ultimate Warrior to crush these insects, I want you to make the call to Abadede.

 

In an underground wrestling ring where the ropes have been replaced with barbed wire and lasers, a huge muscle riddled man wearing neon face paint is surrounded by 30 grizzly bears all wearing medieval body armour. As the snarling bears move in to attack the wrestler he smiles confidently, and, seizing his chance, performs a spinning clothesline attack that sends all of the bears flying backwards towards the ropes where they are instantly cut into hairy edged chunks of meat. The bell rings, the crowd cheers and the man’s pants begin to vibrate. The man puts a hand inside of them, pulls out a mobile telephone and readies himself for answering.

 

To be continued…